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SONG LYRICS (EXCERPTS)

CONTROVERSY 101: RAUNCH AND BLASPHEMY

#1. Above The Law
Now Georgie Bush is riding bike and watching cable
But I guess he does as best as he is able.
We could, of course, impeach him
And oh how that would teach him
But Ms. Pelosi says that that is off the table.

#2. Attack On The Atkins Diet
I lost fifty pounds eating pigs and cream.
And when I see a piece of bread, I run outside and scream.

#3. Brad Pitt
“You are so out of my will, Brad. When I die, you will not get my
bunny slippers, Brad ……”

#4 Britney Spears’ Crotch
And oh that crotch, it was a crotch as fine as it could be.
It had artistic qualities as best as I could see.

#5. Attack On Cigarettes
So go ahead and cough and choke
And spend your spend your money‘til you’re broke
And take another puff and croak …….

#6. Attack On Computers
My computer is shrewder than I am
My computer’s astuter than I’ll ever be
And I don’t like my computer-
My computer doesn’t like me.

#7. Attack On Congress
Glorified junkets far over the sea
With limousines, banquets, and pages for me.
Is there any wonder that I’d like to be
Part of that lucrative mess?

#8. Crazy God
And when the end of time shall finally arrive
And the hard-core sinners are struggling to survive:
Suddenly out of the mist
Steps a God who is pissed
And He says ‘Ain’t nobody gets out of here alive’.

#9. Don’t You Google Me
Don’t you google – stop that google! –
Don’t you google me.
Come to my chat room
Hang out in that room
But don’t you google me.

#10. Hitler And Elvis
‘Hey Hitler! Hey Elvis!’ I yelled in their ear.
‘Let’s make conversation – I’m standin’ right here.
I was hopin’ at least for a nice autograph -
Then I’d sell it on eBay and have the last laugh.

#11. Too Many Honkies
Too many Honkies run this world -
Too many Honkies got control.
Too many Honkies run this world –
Take your freedom, take your soul.

#12. Hookah Dance
Don’t be shy – you gotta try at least one puff.
Take a trip on the Mother Ship and Ohhhhhhhh that Stuff!
Waft away all your troubles. Don’t delay – blow bubbles:
Da-da-da-dancin’ with my hookah tonight.

#13. "In Defense Of Congress"
“They’re insane! ……………………..

#14. 9/11: Investigate
And as the mad hijackers rumbled
A million dollar Air Force crumbled.
And as the bloody terror hatched
Our fighter jets were not dispatched.
Investigate! Investigate!

#15. Janet Jackson’s Breast
So Congress cried ‘Alas! Alack!
For shame that naughty bit.
We won’t investigate Iraq –
We’ll investigate The Tit.

#16. Lyin' Bitch (Song For Hillary)
Lyin’ bitch: gone away.
Lyin’ bitch: bye bye.
But she’ll be back another day
To tell another lie.

#17. Attack On McCain
He’s wimpy – as wimpy as he can be.
From Phoenix to Tempe he bends his knee.
He’s wimpy. Just how wimpy? When the Right says pee
He unzips and shakes his hips and irrigates the sea.

#18. McCain In Hell
The Goblins were ecstatic – they’d found another friend:
A conquering fanatic, a war without an end.
……………………………………………..

Yes, John McCain – he went to Hell, got a good reception.
He promises an evil spell – a hundred year deception.

#19. McCain’s A Feeb
McCain’s a feeb, McCain’s a feeb, in case you haven’t heard.
Give that man the middle finger, give that man the bird.

#20. Let’s Put Congress On The Minimum Wage
Let’s put Congress on the minimum wage
And see how long they can last.
Let em try to rely on the minimum wage
And see them change it, re-arrange it: wow! Real fast!

#21. "Here Come The Mormons"
“An angel of the Lord come to visit me. It was from the Moron tribe …..”

#22. Attack On Norm Coleman
Is liking Norm Coleman no matter where his head is at.
Is liking when he’s hippie man or peace man or Democrat.
Is liking
When he’s chasing millionaires or chasing forbidden tush.
Is liking when he’s zombie man for President Bush.

#23. Obama?
You say one thing, baby, to my face.
Oh, you’re gonna make this world a better place.
You promise me the moon
But then you change your tune
And you start carousin’ with the same old losers.

#24. Paris Hilton Went To Jail
Paris Hilton went to jail. Goody goody, goody goody goody.
She did cry and she did wail. Goody goody, goody goody goody.
No more parties, no more glamor –
Life is ***** in the slammer.
Goody goody, goody goody goody. Paris Hilton went to jail.

#25. Attack On Prudes
Let’s all go
Peeking in the windows on a Sunday afternoon
Deliciously suspecting everyone.
We’ll even catch the newlyweds on their honeymoon
‘Cause me-oh-my
What people try
Whenever they’re having fun.

#26. Rednecks!
Hey Rednecks:
You gonna sit on your tail like a bump on a log?
Roll over like a beat-down dog?
Crawl away, crawl away with your tail in your legs
While your kids and your momma and your grandma begs
For the crumbs that the President up and sends
To the pimps – the whores – his Enron friends.
You been lied to. …… What you gonna do?

#27. “I Got A Republican Up My Ass” [Comedy Poem]
“I run run run in a state of shock
Til I get to my clinic: knock knock knock
Then stagger in and holler ‘Doc!:
I got a Republican up my ass’.

#28. Send Me A Sign
In the name of the Heavenly Father: sing Allelu.
In the name of the Holy Spirit: What you gonna do, Lord, what you gonna do?
In the name of God Jehovah: Are you there?
Jehovah God, my God Jehovah: Are you there somewhere above us?
Do you care and do you love us?
Tell me, tell me. Tell me. Tell me!

#29. Songbird
But then at last they set you free
To sing and swoop and soar.
But even with your liberty,
Quoth the raven: nevermore
will your soul be resounding with music.

#30. Televangelist!
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.
I don’t save nobody’s soul for free.
I hope you listen, all you sinners -
I am tired of TV dinners -
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.

#31. Attack On Television
My TV’s busted.
Oh how I trusted
That boob tube to lubricate my mind.
It used to be in color –
Now the color’s gettin’ duller.
It goes Ssssss! Pop! Bzzzzz! all the time.

#32. Uribe Es Clon
Uribe, Uribe: corrupciòn, corrupciòn.
Uribe, Uribe: clon de Bush.

#33. I Don’t Want VD
My hamster’s got the syphilis, my dog has gonnorhea
And what my next-door neighbor’s got: I’ve really no idea.



ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL

I’m Just A People
“A fish got a worm and a horse got hay.
You and I got tooth decay.
But beavers never get that way
And you won’t find a cavity in a clam.”

Minnesota Vikings
I like em so ‘cause all da time dey vin.
(Vell maybe not all da time but now and den).

David Letterman
David Letterman is a punk.
He has a TV show.
And even though it’s mostly junk
It keeps you in the know.

Randy Jackson
Yo dawg! Wassup with Randy?
Check it out, check it out: fine and dandy.
Got it together (hot dog, fashizzle)
And he makes it Ssssssss! And he makes it sizzle.

Simon Cowell
Oh Simon – show a little mercy.
Oh Simon – don’t be rude.
Oh Simon – try to be a good boy –
Try to control your attitude.

Paula Abdul
Everybody loves Paula.
Paula, she’s one of a kind.
She can laugh - she can grieve -
Wears her heart on her sleeve –
But nobody seems to mind.

Ryan Seacrest
He’s a rough, tough desperado emcee -
Joking and jiving
And just as conniving
As he can be.
He’s the big bad daddy of tyranny –
That’s Ryan Seacrest, Idol Emcee.

Mosquito Song
The mosquitoes are back with a bzzz and a buzz
And that buzz is as bad as a buzz ever was.
But that buzz can be beaten
(It’s eat or be eaten):
Have a mosquito for lunch.

Black Sheep
He’s the black sheep of the Bible college.
He’s a lookin’ for love, he’s a-lookin’ for knowledge
And he flies too high, thinks too deep:
He’s the black sheep of the Bible college.

Oprah
The crowd at her show would all be at her feet.
She’d speak words of wisdom you’d want to repeat.
The band would begin with a one, two, and-a one-two-three
Then Oprah, she’d stand up, and she’d dance with me.

Jerry Springer
If you let me on your show, I’ll be a twit – pitch a fit – jump up in the air.
I’ll make a fuss and I will cuss and I will throw a chair.
And when I throw a chair
I swear (I swear) – I swear (I swear)
I’ll try to hit somebody in the head. Ha Ha Ha.
Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha.

Waterbugs
Here come the waterbugs (well what do you know)
Come-from-the-gutter bugs (tippy-tippy-tip-toe).
They’re checking to see if it’s only me
‘Cause if it’s just me it’s OK (I can stay!).
I know where they live, but I’ll never give
A waterbug secret away.
Tippy-tippy-tip-toe.
Well what do you know.

Frog Song
Sittin’ in the sun, sittin’ on a log -
Life is sweet if you’re a frog –
Talkin’ that frog dialogue –
Happy to be alive.

Mouse Song
“But then a neighbor heard (it disturbed his silly nap)
And he was ever so angry (and he set a great big trap).
So I sneaked around to every room and whispered, terrified:
‘Now listen to me, Horace. You be careful. Stay inside.”

Anna Nicole Smith
You could have been average, you could have been normal
You could have been boring and never been you.
But you got off your butt
And you did God knows what
And you made your dreams come true.
Didn’t you?

If Only
If only my birthplace was elsewhere
I might speak Portugese with great skill.
I’d dance in the street, I’d have bare naked feet
And I’d wake up each day in Brazil.

Rosie O’Donnell
Ring around the Rosie
Comfy and cozy
Rosie, Rosie – weave a spell.
Give ‘em the what-for, why-for, wherefore:
That’s what you’re there for -
Give ‘em hell!

Donald Trump
Donald Trump is the leader of the pack
He’s the top dog, big boss, lord of all.
When the road gets rough, he don’t turn back –
He just inhales a Tylenol.

Earth People
Earth people!
Runnin’ around, invadin’ other nations.
Earth People!
Droppin’ bombs and layin’ mines and makin’ depredations.
Earth People!
Drivin’ in your SUVs - do what you please –
Burnin’ up your future and the future of your children.

Rhododendron Poppy
In the spring the robins sing
There’s music all around
The sound of every living thing
Proclaims ‘I love you’.
Rainbow flowers dance
Upon the sunny meadow ground
As the poppies and the rhododendrons
Bring a mem’ry of you.

Spring Fever
The rabbits are a-rompin’ and the woodchuck’s chompin’
With a chew-chomp-chew-chomp-chew.
The cricket in the thicket is a-tellin’ you to stick it
If you don’t like what he do.
The calf is at the udder, it’s the udder of the mudder
And the mudder goes ‘Moo-Moo’.
The robin sings of happy things.
…… And so should you.

Hymn To Jesus
But Jesus is still in the White House
In a tomb in the room where the shredder is kept.
But someday he’ll be free, and the people will see
How they used Him, abused Him, and how Jesus wept.


IMPEACH ME (SONGS THAT TRASH THE BUSHEVIKS)

1. Impeach Me
“Impeach me! Impeach me!” Everything he does cries out “Impeach me!”
So who am I to keep him in the White House?
Who am I to hold him to his oil-soaked vows?
May he be offered
A one-way trip to Crawford
To play guitar and serenade the cows.

2.
Liar Liar
Tell me why why why
Do you lie lie lie?
When you lie lie lie
Do you try to keep a straight face?

3.
Terror Alert!
I wonder what color the terror alert is going to be today?
They can make it all up
But still I will
Believe whatever they say.

4.
dick in the room
Dick in the room
Dick in the room.
The President needs a Dick in the room.
Now in case you don’t know
Who’s running the show:
Pay attention! ........ Hello!
It’s Dick in the room.

5.
Little Dickie Cheney
He’ll f*** you in a New York minute.
He’ll f*** you on the floor of the Senate.
Little Dickie Cheniac -
He’s a maniac.
Little Dickie Cheney – my friend!

6.
Low Tax Lullaby
My kids don’t read and my kids don’t write
I’m stuck in a traffic jam every night
The crime rate’s up, but that’s all right
‘Cause I got low taxes.

7.
HMO Gonna Getcha
HMO gonna getcha –
Gonna getcha, ain’t no doubt.
HMO gonna eat you up –
Gonna eat you up and spit you out.
HMO gonna fry you up and tie you up in knots.
And when you pay your premium, you’ll pay em lots and lots.

8.
The Patriot Act
You can long for the days of Joseph McCarthy
The Salem witch trials may entice and attract
But when Big Brother looks
At your library books
You know that you’re blessed with the Patriot Act.

9.
The Environment – Get Rid Of It
Mother Nature: it’s time we undid her.
Time to sell her to the highest bidder.
Yes! The environment! Get rid of it!
Vote Republican and be free.

10.
Abramoff
Abramoff – join the club.
Sink to the bottom – glub glub glub.
Screw your neighbor, screw your Brother –
Say one thing and do another.

Family Values! Moral Leadership!
Family Values! Moral Leadership!
Hypocrites.
Hypocrites.
Hypocrites.
Hypocrites.

11.
King George’s Flight Suit
I want a flight suit for Christmas –
Then all of the world will be mine.
Permit me to fess up –
I want to play dress up
So that when I mess up
The People will say: ‘He looks so fine’.

12.
Diebold Waltz
The tabulations in secret are made:
When they get a lemon, they make lemonade.
The results can be changed if you know the code.
The results can be changed and our country explode.

13.
PuLL doWn YoUr PaNtS
And every wedding candidate
That came through the Courthouse doors –
He made ‘em swear that they were straight.
He made ‘em drop their drawers:
“Let the judge see what you got!”

14.
Video-Game Soldiers
Our leaders – they say they’re defending our shores
Pretending they’re keeping us free.
But their children will never set foot in Iraq
‘Cause they only send people like you and me.

14.
Pathological Liars For God
Jesus loves us – we love Him too
‘Cause Jesus - He don’t care what we do.
We start wars – read your mail – torture a few
And Jesus tells us “God bless you”.

15.
Roe v. Wade
Hello, ladies. How ya doin’?
May your day be extra nice.
The Party of God wants to remind you
That father knows best. And here’s his advice:

Barefoot, second-class, uninsured, pregnant –
That’s the way you ought to be.
Barefoot, second-class, uninsured, pregnant –
Gotta vote G.O.P.

You need, of course, some supervision, and I’m sure you will agree
You need, of course, a timely lecture (lest you should be truly free).
You need, of course, a law to stop you from the wicked things you do.
So give your body to the politicians, and they’ll decide what’s best for you.

We’re watching you–of course we know just where you’ve been, what books you’ve read
We’d like to find out even more (including what you do in bed).
We’ll tell our God to save your soul, we’ll tell our God to rescue you.
We’ll plan your compliance. We’ll plan your science. And we will plan your family too.

Barefoot, second-class, uninsured, pregnant –
That’s the way you ought to be.
Barefoot, second-class, uninsured, pregnant –
Don’t forget to vote Republican! Vote Republican! Vote Republican: G O Pee.

17.
Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice: Rumsfeld, Cheney, Rice:
They can’t see, for even a twinkling,
Beyond their D.C. village;
Can’t see - don’t have an inkling –
Why it’s wrong to rape and pillage.

18.
Karl Rove’s Pitchfork
I wanna be a snake in the White House
(Yucky-wucky snake in the White House)
Ssssssss! Ssssssss! Snake in the White House!
I wanna be like Karl Rove.

19.
Darlin’ Katie
Do ye see that pretty document a-lyin’ at your feet?
It’s called a Signin’ Statement, and ah, my love, it ‘tis so sweet .................

20.
Heckuva Job, Brownie
The people are drowning, they’re looking for bread.
Some are hysterical, and some are dead.
The situation’s iffy
But you are looking spiffy
So I know in a jiffy
you’ll
do
a
heckuva job, Brownie.

21.
Wussies For War
Wussies for War. Wussies for War.
We don’t even know what the war is for.
But we will expedite it
If somebody else’ll fight it
‘Cause we’re gung-ho
(we won’t go!)
Wussies for War.

22. You’re Fired!
Time to pack your bags and time to call the moving van.
Don’t be late – evacuate as quickly as you can.
You’re fired!

MAN OF GOD (BIG BROTHER BUSH)

1. Liar Liar
Tell me why why why
Do you lie lie lie?
When you lie lie lie
Do you try to keep a straight face?

2. Flight Suit
I want a flight suit for Christmas
Then all of the world will be mine.
Permit me to fess up
I want to play dress up
So that when I mess up
The People will say: "He looks so fine".

3. Dick In The Room (Presidential Testimony)
Dick in the room
Dick in the room.
The President needs a Dick in the room.
Now in case you don't know
Who's running the show:
Pay attention! Hello!
It's Dick in the room.

4. Ballerina
There's a ballerina in the window
Just as cold and unconcerned as she can be.
How I'd love to turn her head
Before the dying swan is dead.
Why won't that ballerina dance for me?

5. Hey Rednecks!
Hogs! Hogs! Hogs at the trough!
Comin' at you to jerk you off.
Hogs! Hogs! Got no class:
Stickin' their big tongue up your ass.

You been lied to.
What you gonna do?
Hey Rednecks!
What you gonna do?

I GOT A REPUBLICAN UP MY ASS

1. When The Republicans Start Getting AIDS
When the Republicans start getting AIDS
No more will the issue be shunned.
Instead of prescribing financial band-aids
They'll fund and they'll fund and they'll fund.

2. Gun Song
Guns ....... Guns ........
They give me my power, they give me my drive.
They give me my reason for being alive.
They clear up my sinus, and that is why I've
Fallen in love with a Colt 45.

3. The Patriot Act
You can long for the days of Joseph McCarthy
The Salem witch trials may entice and attract
But when Big Brother looks
At your library books
You know that you're blessed with the Patriot Act.

4. 3 Blind Mice
Three blind mice:
Rumsfeld, Cheney, Rice.

They can't see, for even a twinkling
Beyond their D.C. village;
Can't see - don't have an inkling
Why it's wrong to rape and pillage.

5, Campaign Song For The Republican Party
Mother Nature: it's time we undid her.
Time to sell her to the highest bidder.

6. Low Taxes
My kids don't read and my kids don't write
I'm stuck in a traffic jam every night
The crime rate's up, but that's all right
'Cause I got low taxes.

7. Terror Alert
I wonder what color the terror alert is going to be today?
They can make it all up
But still I will
Believe whatever they say.

9. Little Dickie Cheney
He'll f*** you in a New York minute.
He'll f*** you on the floor of the Senate.
Little Dickie Cheniac -
He's a maniac.
Little Dickie Cheney my friend!

11. Shove It
That Theresa Kerry what she did!
Spoke her mind and popped her lid.
So why did she do what she did?
'Cause ain't nobody pushin' her around!

STOP THE WAR!

1. Video-Game Soldiers
Our leaders they say they're defending our shores
Pretending they're keeping us free.
But their children will never set foot in Iraq
'Cause they only send people like you and me.

2. Cities For Peace
New York Chicago Washington Baltimore Philadelphia .....

3. Bring 'em Home
Bring 'em home.
Bring 'em home.
On a boat, on a plane
Any way, anyhow
In the sun, in the rain:
Bring 'em back right now.

4. Who Will Be The Last Man To Die For A Mistake?
And all the people who cheered as the bombs were falling
Will they hide from the eyes
Of the soldier now dead?
Will they block out the cries
Of the family instead?
Will they stand before God in submission and say
We're sorry.
We're sorry.
We're sorry ......

6. Kool-Aid Man
Kool-Aid Man he got somethin' to sell ya.
He got a movie. He got a show.
But there's alot that he ain't gonna tell ya
'Cause there's alot that he don't want you to know.

7. Don't Let It Get You Down
Don't let it get you down.
Remember that today is not tomorrow.
And if you think that things'll only get worse
You're wringin' your hands and you're callin' the hearse:
Get a grip. Let 'er rip. Put your tail in reverse
And don't let it get you down.

NAUGHTY NAUGHTY (SEX, DRUGS, AND RELIGION)

2. Don't Smoke Pot
Lay off the pleasure.
Lay off the fun.
Join the Army
And shoot someone.

3. Caffeine
I bet you're thinkin Ain't my drug.
That's OK. I dig. I dug.
All I know's I cut a rug
With Caffeine. Caffeine.

4. Pull Down Your Pants
And every wedding candidate
That came through the Courthouse doors
He made 'em swear that they were straight.
He made 'em drop their drawers:

Let the judge see what you got!

5. Janet Jackson
So Congress cried Alas! Alack!
For shame that naughty bit.
We won't investigate Iraq
We'll investigate The Tit.

6. Send A Dollar To The Lord (Song Of The Televangelist)
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.
I don't save nobody's soul for free.
I hope you listen, all you sinners -
I am tired of TV dinners -
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.

7. New Pope
He's now the keeper of your soul
So don't you use no birth control.
May your penance be increased
And whatever you do, don't you ladies even think about bein' a priest.

9. Ring Around Uranus
[Sorry. Too naughty to excerpt.]

WHEN THE CHICKENS COME HOME TO ROOST

1. Hail To The Thief (The George W. Bush Song)
You must think that it's a sin
To be born with estrogen.
Why don't you just pack it in
If you don't get it? ('Cause you'll get it)
When those up-up-uppity women
Fill you full of dread).
Oh the things you can shout
And not worry about
When your rhetoric weighs more than your head.

5. On The SS Enron
On the SS Enron you'll sail the seven seas.
You'll promenade like you were God and do just as you please.
You'll be dancin' 'til dawn
'Til the caviar is gone
And the debutantes cry "Party Party" ........
on the SS Enron.

6. The Gun Song
Guns ....... Guns ........
They give me my power, they give me my drive.
They give me my reason for being alive.
They clear up my sinus, and that is why I've
Fallen in love with a Colt 45.

13. The Environment: Get Rid Of It
Mother Nature: it's time we undid her.
Time to sell her to the highest bidder.

17. Send A Dollar To The Lord (Song Of The Televangelist)
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.
I don't save nobody's soul for free.
I hope you listen, all you sinners -
I am tired of TV dinners -
Send a dollar to the Lord in care of me.

ALL MUSIC AND LYRICS BY ESKIT. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.